A Father's Love

Linda's Thoughts from Duluth

Thinking about past January’s yesterday, made me think a lot about my Dad. When I think of Daddy, I can’t help but think of the day that he told me something that he could never verbalize to me before. My parents were German, and I think they were brought up to not show their feelings. When I was growing up, I never once heard my Mom or Dad say “I love you”. Now, I’m not saying that I didn’t feel their love, of course in my heart I knew they loved me, but I never heard the words from them. I used to tell them “I love you”, but never was there a response back from them.

All through my married life, I have this thought, “Did God re-locate me so far away from home so that I would realize just how much I loved my family that I left, and that they would finally be able to verbalize to me just how much they loved me?”.

I always knew that my Mother loved me…Mothers cuddle, speak softly, do things with their children, that make them feel loved. My Dad was always so busy working on the farm. When I was little, he did a lot with me, because Mom worked at the Dr. office, and he was the one home. I have great memories of riding the tractor with him as he worked the corn (advent of treated corn seedlings this isn’t done anymore), he would sing the funniest songs to me. I would follow him around the barn and the chicken houses, as he did his work. But, as I grew older, Daddy distanced himself. (As an adult, I’ve learned that Dad’s often do become more distant with their daughters at this age). Dad was sentimental, but like most men, did not ever want to show it. Through my pre-teen and
teenage years, I was very unsure of my Dad’s love for me. He never said much to me at important times of my life, graduation, my plans after school, my struggles I had with my first jobs out of school, even when I became engaged to a boy at age 19, Daddy never talked to me about these things. Even when we talked about the wedding to Bob and my pending trip to MN., he was quiet. It was always my Mother, my Mother was always there. I guess maybe it was because he was too busy working, when he wasn’t working, he was exhausted. Also, he was guiding 4 sons, and probably thought the girls were Mom’s job.

Anyhow, I’ll get to the point here. The morning that Bob and I left for Minnesota, we had a snowfall the night before, and Dad had to open the lane for us to get out. The week before, even the night before Daddy said nothing to me. He helped us load the UHAUL, Mom and all my siblings said good-bye, we hugged, lots of hugs and lots of tears…and Daddy just standing there through it all. Then, I walked up to him to say good bye, and then he hugged me and wouldn’t let go for the longest time, and he said the three words I’d always wanted to hear…. “I Love You”. I cried, in fact the whole way up the road,
I kept saying to Bob “he loves me, he loves me, he loves me”…well Bob kept saying well of course, didn’t you know? It’s a long way across the PA turnpike and Bob will tell you, he sure got tired of hearing me going on and on about how much those words meant to me. It was the most important thing he ever said to me –(except when he told me to always “Trust in the Lord”). If I had not moved away from home would I have ever heard those words? Would I have known how much I loved my parents and my brothers and sister, my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins????? I not only left my parents that day, I left all my extended family. And for 36 years I have been missing them and loving them. When Mom and Dad would visit us here and we would go home, they would both tell us “I love you”. The wall had been broken. How nice, that we didn’t have to wait until their sick bed or their death bed to hear those important words from them. I wrote a note to Daddy about 5 years ago thanking him for that December morning in 1969.

When our daughter was in her teens, I had the feeling that she had doubts about her Dad loving her, as I did. I tried to talk to Bob about it, but he would shrug me off. When she went away to college after high school, he hugged her and wished her well…still no I love you’s. One time I reminded him about my Dad and the day we left. The next time he saw his daughter, he told her he loved her. From then on, I saw a closer relationship being built between her and her Dad. By the time our boys came along, both Bob and I have not only been showing our love to our children, but we also verbalize it, we say those three most important words “I love You”.

To Dawn, Rob and Scott, whenever you read this: “Your Mom and Dad love you”.